Let's hear it for stupid

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store,
but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock
boy,"Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "I don't think so ma'am, they're dead."


Caught for speeding

The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for
speeding, rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you
all day," the cop said.

The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid
on his way without a ticket.



Stuck under a bridge

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes
up that reads "low bridge ahead."

Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he
gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car
and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his
hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"

The truck driver says,
"No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."


Drunk?

The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one
foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up
and said, "I've got to take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk".

The wasted wino asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm
drunk?" "Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Obviously relieved, the wino said
"That's a relief - I thought I was a cripple."


Dealing with trouble

A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom
disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over
six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more,
he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad
Ali too. Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an
escape artist-probably better than Houdini."

The giant nodded.

"If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could
show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set
of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can
break out of them?"

Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four
minutes. "I can't get out of these," the giant growled. "Are you
sure?" the deputy asked. The fellow tried again. "Nope," he
replied. "I can't do it."

"In that case," said the deputy, "you're under arrest."


Too Late

The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his
car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily
along, he was stopped by a policeman.

"What are you doing out here at 2 A. M.?" asked the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture." the man said. "And who is going to
give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.

"My wife," said the man.