Hsieh Link Here for Trouble



Hey, Brian Hsieh here. I just got back from my dancing tour across China, and boy was it grand.
People truly shouted for joy when I graced the stage and showed them the dance I like to call, "Za Wang Yu". It consists of a
the wonderful Sang Saioku and I twirling across the stage in outfits made entirely of rice paddies. The crowd always goes wild when
I go for my "Hsieh Link" leap, flying across the stage in a fetal position that seems entirely impossible. While it's always an honor to
dance in any Chinese city, my trip to the enchanting Forbidden City will always occupy a special place in my heart, namely because of the warmth
the people of the town showed at my arrival. Each child came clothed in hand-made "Hsieh: The Find Me Tour" (bought for an absorbant sum
from the local sweat shop) and many of the adults waved American flags with a caricature of my head on it. The sight was truly magnificant, and
now that I am back in the United States I expect all of you to do the same. If I do not see a freshman carrying a lunchbox with my face on it, the
US will feel the agony of the Taiwanese Kamikaze. But that won't happen, because Americans are easily brainwashed. Soon, I will expand beyond
the feeble adoration of Matty Zaboo and Krikland Keainy. The SS, lunch line, mariposa, library, California...all will soon bow to Slammin' Hsieh the
Supah Samurai. Prepare thyself. The age of Hsieh has begun.