Better Luck Today: July 2003

Ye.

I feel so alone...oh so alone...please save me...where are all the friends? Am I the only one who has time? Hmmph...

Just keep on truckin'. Like my old pappy always says, "the left side of the strong side makes more sense than the backside of the weak side."

I love to sing...a hymn of love...to that everlasting spring...ding ding...

Found on another person's platinum blogger:

Clubbed to death

Some of the interesting types of people I found in the clubbing crowds of Backroom, Hong Kong, on a Saturday night:

WOMEN

1. The Stick Insect Fashionista: Chinese women who wear something slit down between their breasts to their navels, with lots of hair and makeup. They smile a lot. They drink small cocktails and remain perched on their gwailo boyfriend's arm. They are tiny, and wear massively painful looking stilettos to prove it. Warning: they are not known to speak 'woman', as observations suggest they only know how to communicate with men.

2. The Pammy Wannabe Bitch: Chinese women who are pneumatic in the upper chest but have tiny waists and wear something slit down between their breasts to their navels, with lots and lots of hair and makeup. They drink a lot, laugh very loudly and dance as if they are looking for a hotel room (or the nearest pole). My guess is they usually do find one (the room, I mean), plus someone who is willing to pay for it. These are the women who will push you out of the queue in the loos, take forever to add on another inch of that makeup over the washbasin and will not 'hear' you if you happen to talk to them. They only drink whiskey or vodka.

3. The Wistful Giraffettes: Tall, beautifully dressed and sophisticated, these Caucasian women are reduced to dancing and drinking by themselves if they are stuck in the 'wrong' club as they are at least two feet taller than the Chinese male clientele. They are much better off in wine bars in SoHo, but it takes them a while to realise that.

4. The Puking Ladette: Small Caucasian women who have not yet figured out whether it is possible to have a night out without getting drunk or having a one night stand. Found dancing on top of the bar or in an alleyway looking very unwell. Can be heard from a mile off as their shrieking laughter is ear-piercing. Sometimes they can be relied on for sheer entertainment. They do very well with certain corresponding types of Caucasian male.

5. The Normal Girl: Regardless of ethnic origin, these ones are found sitting down, drinking a beer and wondering what the hell is going on. Unfortunately these are the ones who are the most reliable and dependable of friends, so they will always be asked to look after other people's bags/clothes/ciggies. They don't mind - they can't dance anyway. They will definitely make sure you get home all right, and they may even have enough money for the taxi ride. They have a boyfriend.

MEN

1. The Beckham-and-Neo Man: Chinese man who wears transparent sunglasses from Burberrys and shiny shirt or trousers. Always keeps his hair very well trimmed and gelled so it does not get ruffled while he is doing his funky dance routine. Warning: conversation takes time, as he will be on the phone (the latest Sony with a camera or some other gadget) every two minutes. Displays prominently white teeth when he smiles (which is very often). Will not be working as an investment banker or an IT consultant, despite all his gimmicks. Will wear very trendy shoes - but if you can spot where they're from, that means you've slept with him since this man will always be on the move. Drinks fancy cocktails and knows all the Stick Insect Fashionistas (he's probably gone out with a few).

2. The Hair Flicker: Tall Chinese man who has long-ish hair (think of the Calvin Klein male model). He is actually worthy of conversing with, as long as he speaks your language. He will pay for your drinks without making a fuss and may even order some more. Very stylish, very nice, and will smile a lot. After half an hour's worth of amazing conversation, where you think you really connect and isn't-he-so-lovely feelings abound, he will either (a) introduce to you his model girlfriend or, and this is more likely, (b) his model girlfriend will walk over to you. This is when he flicks his hair back. Drinks European beer or wine, whichever is the best in that bar. Usually the Normal Girls will have spotted these men while sitting down by herself.

3. The Latino Fiend: It doesn't matter if his skin is patently white, this Caucasian male will try out all things under the sun to serenade you if you are a girl. Wears shirt with ruffled neck and black Gucci loafers, and sports a crocodile smile. He will try to dance alongside you regardless of the music (but he prefers the Gypsy Kings). He will buy you drinks. He will tell you how beautiful you are. He will do everything but act like a normal guy. If your ego needs a boost, you need to find this man. He has two sidekicks who will handle the drinks, cigarettes and the money. Will urge you to have tequila shots or margueritas. Does very well with Pammy Wannabe Bitches.

4. The Happy Beer Dope: These Caucasian men come in all shapes and sizes, but the distinguishing characteristic is usually (a) a beer belly or (b) several beer bottles scattered around his near vicinity. They are very cheerful (sometimes Australian, but not always) and can be genuinely amusing. Contrary to popular belief, they do not always try out dodgy pick up lines but in fact usually try to be 'chummy' with the girls first. They either move in packs (in which case they will be singing like banshees) or in smaller groups of threes. If you are a girl, they will do their bit of gentlemanly honour by asking you what you would like for a drink, but they will probably 'forget' to pay for it later. Warning: they cannot, and should not be allowed to, dance.

5. The Normal Guy: Regardless of ethnic origin, this man will never look as if he tried to dress up for a night out. He may be wearing his smartest and cleanest shirt, but you wouldn't know that it is his smartest - you'll just wonder whether he goes to work in it. He will be quietly sitting in a corner drinking a beer and wondering what the hell is going on. He will make for interesting conversation but only if you strike it up first. He will on occasion be wearing glasses, have an 'executive' style hair parting and wear a t-shirt underneath his shirt. He will be the one who drags the boys home. If you're a girl, he will make sure you get home (even if it means a hike to the other side of town) or at least give you change for the taxi. He may or may not have a girlfriend - if he had one, he would be sitting there with her, if he doesn't have one, he'd still be sitting there by himself as he cannot dance.

I really thought Mike could utilize this.

What the...phoooka.

A bucket of cheese, please

Random alteration by the likes of the Massa Matthew

Only at times of great desperation can we recall such memories. It is only at these times can I remember that small, inconceivable dog (his name Ralpho), who I left in the laundry hamper.

Yes, it was a cruel trick. But, for sure, he would not stop peeing in the back seat of the car. What else was I to do?

So, of course, the hamper was the only viable option. Dark, stinky, and more than anything, wet, made the place perfect for punishment. Alcatraz has nothin' on the dirty clothes hamper.

So that's when it happened. I stuffed him in, with a box of cracker jacks just to keep him healthy, and he, of course, regurgitated it all up, like a fountain of love.

So, I stuffed him down deeper, so he brushed up against my poopy underwear. Of course, I'm not sure why it was so poopy...afterwall, I don't poop. i ONLY PEE. So, it doesn't seem to right, but oh well, it was true. He smelled it an instantly went to work.

Cutting shrimp for his neighbor's dinner. YOu might ask, why would he do such a thing? Well, I did. He only replied in a nonchalant voice, "I love to cut. It makes me feel jumpy inside."

Well, after experiencing this alteration in reality, I took a quick crap, and then I went to the market to buy some spam. Of course, no one really likes spam, and neither do I, but, I'm like a real man, with two hands for machine guns, so I had to get some ammo. You know how that goes, right?

Yeah, I thought so. So, after the trip to the store I returned to the hamper to find not one, but three hundred thousand sea urchins. YOu might ask, what in the holy name of God would this suggest this sort of cheese cake. But then, I would say, uh, you are full of bacon.

So, of course, I went to the hamper, pried off the crusted cover (which was now heavily stocked with precooked sea food, sea urchin' style) and found the little puppy with a three handed sword. You might ask, wtf is going on? I would say, stop cursing.

And of course, I would slap you with a hand glove. And I did, with a vengeance. But the puppy would have nothing of it, and I worked up a lather with my left hand and shot himwith my right. It never occurred to me that the puppy was evil, but, of course he was.

I released the spirit back into the atmosphere and all the Earth rejoiced in a great splendor (I got free food too!) My crime fighting days may be over, but hey, a party is a party, and I partyed for three hundred days straight, with no stops. Except for bathroom break and the occasional cat nap.

So, thus ends my explanation into nothinghood. I hope you enjoyed it, feel utterly enlightened, and please, do take a breath mint on the way out. I can smell that dead hamster all the way from here.

Whoa, dag. Whoa, dag.

http://zombiechik.proboards9.com/index.cgi- Nice little forum.

Hmm...I'm a bit tired.

Can you say...taste the rainbow?!?!!?!

Dag.

Ooh! Get me away from here I'm dying
Play me a song to set me free
Nobody writes them like they used to
So it may as well be me
Here on my own now after hours
Here on my own now on a bus
Think of it this way
You could either be successful or be us
With our winning smiles, and us
With our catchy tunes, and us
Now we're photogenic
You know, we don't stand a chance

Oh, I'll settle down with some old story
About a boy who's just like me
Thought there was love in everything and everyone
You're so naive!
They always reach a sorry ending
They always get it in the end.
Still it was worth it as I turned the pages solemnly, and then
With a winning smile, the boy
With naivety succeeds
At the final moment, I cried
I always cry at endings

Oh, that wasn't what I meant to say at all
From where I'm sitting, rain
Washing against the lonely tenement
Has set my mind to wander
Into the windows of my lovers
They never know unless I write
"This is no declaration, I just thought I'd let you know goodbye"
Said the hero in the story
"It is mightier than swords
I could kill you sure
But I could only make you cry with these words"

Kirk's music...bringing us back...

Well...well...

Dang yo, it's all good in da neighborhood, fo shizzle, hizzal up in da house.

Acutally Szabo, my forefathers moved to Taiwan to get OUT of the mudhole, which is known as China. It was an act OF honor, defying the communist bastards of China, or simpler, Chinese Bastards. Now the big bad bastards cant even take over a small little island. Shows the true power of the commies. They are on their own path of self-destruction. In around the 1960s(need to check), they had the big commie revolution. The schools shut down for 10 years, after the students became the teachers, and the teachers became the students. Doctors lost their jobs and mopped the floors, while the janitors lost their jobs to the doctors and became...o wait... they became DOCTORS... yeah beautiful system they had there. Although things are a bit better now, they still commies. Commies so stupid. WTF is it with Cuba anyway? They had their revolution to overthrow a dictatorship, only to establish another dictator?
- Nurse , 7/15/2002 02:19:36 PM

I know this is a bit late, but Hsieh, I don't believe it was an act of honor when your forefathers fled to Taiwan. They were forced to leave China or DIE. There was never a real choice, they only left to save their own lives. I'm not trying to dishonor you or anything, but the facts are different. Chang Kai Shek lost almost all of his nationalist support during the Chinese civil war (mainly due to the corrupt government that was already in place) and a larger part of the populaton embraced the communist ideology and promises under Chairman Mao. True, China was a big mudhole and Taiwan is now one of world's prime manufacters of consumer goods, nevertheless China holds many more natural resources than Taiwan ever had. If I recall, exile is an act of dishonor, not honor. Just wanted to set that straight.

Dang, wassup in da hood, ma homie dawgs? Ye be feelin' the leftside strongside feelin' in me crib, kicki'n back wit grampa's olda medicinee? Ye, I thought' so shadrack, meshack, abendago, cheetah's chillas. Ye, I think dat be the way to get it movin' in da clubs and all dat shiznit. Ye, I feel ye.

It's a Thuggaz Life

srfGoose: so they didn't dig the drunken swagger?
srfGoose: that's a shame
PoJo345: they liked depp
PoJo345: but hated everything else, i guess
PoJo345: i don't get it
PoJo345: i thought it was a fine movie
srfGoose: agreed
PoJo345: 2nd only to finding nemo
srfGoose: true
srfGoose: i almost forgot about that one
srfGoose: that was hilarious
PoJo345: ye
srfGoose: i was proud of myself ... a dark theater and skeletons on the screen and i didn't freak out ...
srfGoose: maybe i'm almost ready for a horror movie in the theater
PoJo345: ye
srfGoose: well ... probably not ...who am i fooling ... i could barely take the ring with a blanket and the lights on
PoJo345: tru dat
PoJo345: dang, stop trippin' girl
PoJo345: you gotta be a true thug, o ye gonna get yo arse capped
srfGoose: LMAO
srfGoose: "arse" ...... lol
PoJo345: ye
PoJo345: i always be listenin' to mama
PoJo345: "don't be usin' those cussin' words"
PoJo345: i iz always don' wat mama be tellin' me
srfGoose: lmao
PoJo345: Indeed, I feel for the thug who doesn't obey the constant commands of his loving mother.
srfGoose: how does ur mom feel about u being a thug
PoJo345: hey, iz bringin' home da green, she knowsit's all good n' all
srfGoose: but i thought u liked khaki pants ... there's nothing better, baby do u like me sweater
PoJo345: i ain't takin' any o' dat shiznit, dos rich punk arse booty hackas
PoJo345: only true thugs be feelin' da rap scene
srfGoose: i think i should read ur IMs out loud to fully understand their meaning
srfGoose: so spending those panera checks on bling-bling
srfGoose: oh .. wait ... ur buying gold shoe laces
PoJo345: You are completely correct in your suggestion. Understanding is often derived ultimately by repeating the misunderstood phrase in your own words, writing, and or other communication technique.
srfGoose: how could i forget
PoJo345: ye, thaz a thugs life
srfGoose: so ur foot injury wasn't really from basketball was it ... it was really the result of ur thug lifestyle
PoJo345: the coppaz always be crampin' my thugz life
srfGoose: a thugz life for u ... a pirates for me ... it's all good
PoJo345: i borrow a tv, they think i iz a criminianl
PoJo345: sheet foo, i iz only watchin' da foosball game, bringin' back before da monin'
srfGoose: lol
srfGoose: with ur thug connections can u get me some smurf pillow cases ... ya know just have them 'fall off a truck'
srfGoose: i've been on a mission to get smurf pillow cases
srfGoose: it's not going well ...
PoJo345: ye, and the white stuff gonna be all up in da feathaws, foo, i gotcha
srfGoose: my mom felt bad for me .. so for my bday she made me a home made smurf bday cake
PoJo345: crackin' da pillows, das wut i sayez
PoJo345: ah, sheet
PoJo345: yo' momma be trippin' up her thugz life, makin' yu special crack taday, ye?
srfGoose: wow .. there's just too much slang in that ... i'll need amount to figure out ... wtf ur saying
srfGoose: :-P
srfGoose: in ur new gangsta lifestyle ... just remember ... no tatoos .. that's just icky
PoJo345: only a true thuga
srfGoose: can live without tatoos
PoJo345: representen' my wiggas in da hood, foos and forealas
srfGoose: wiggas of the world unite?

If I had three hundred dollars, I would most definitely spend that effortless cash on a new gold enhanced shoelace. Now, I know what you're thinking...why not gold rims, or a gold necklace? Well, let me tell you, gold shoelaces are rare. So rare, that no one except for the filthy rich and/or the mentally insane would ever even consider getting them. Therefore, the cool factor goes up 5 points automatically for "originality". Beat that foo. So hard, right now, tonight, in the faint light.

The gold shoelaces make any shoe shine like a million dollar bill, with benjamins dancin' around in a congo line waitin' for washington's cherry tree pies to come outta abraham lincoln's log oven. Fire is a hazard, but not to you. Gold can make fire stop and stare for a milisecond, and then continue on it's merry way, consuming mainly dead matter and a little bit of the living, but don't worry, you have a 1% chance of surviving, so it's all good.

The thugz in yo hood are gonna be trippin' when they see your golden laces. Do they got that ghetto fabulous look, complete with shoelace shoe source effects? Heck, no. They got they're plain nikes or addidas shiznitas, cloudin' up the hallways of yo' school like buffalo dung in an airport. Only the gold can stay, and you got that, foo. Play it fo' real, or shizzle on outa dere. Ye, all us thugz gotta representa da 24karota shizzata. And you got it now, emblazoned in your pumpin' sneakas, dawg.

I'm really a boy genius. Take my word, I love bacon cheese. It makes me leafy. Like super man. A bacon jeefy. I love it.

Take me home and i'll eat some cistern bagels. just like home town bread. mixed with standing bee rum.

Love is good, and that is why I love you Sammy J.

C'mon vamonos
C'mon vamonos
You know that we can do it
So let's get to it

Of course, it is always done in the "interest of brevity". Love that line, I really do. Do do dewop, yeah.

The sound...of silence.

Dude...Puerto Rico needs to upgrade the cleanliness quotient.

You're just like a dream...you're just like a dream.

The funniest thing I had ever seen
Was you jumping on that trampoline.

I lay awake
Waiting for you to shake
The spider in my night-time cage
Mixin' it up in a primal rage.

Domo Arigato
Mr. Roboto.

Lance Romancers
Stealin' dancers.

1 2 3 4

You're going with me...to the Sadie Hawkins.

Underneath the Sea Lab
Underneath the Water

This is repulsion...OoooOOoooo

You pick 2
Turkey Panini
French Onion Sourdough bowl
Take a spork with no cracka
We serve none here
Make it croutons with coupons
And loop-ons and stick-ons.

Sunnydale High
Might get right
That pie
So tight.

Q
Where?
Q
When?
Q
Oh, I know.

KAK
Mismatchin' the hats and the rats in my stepstairs clothing rack
Missing the point

That's so unbelievably utilitarian. I wish the left side of that fountain drink was made of sodium choride, so that I would have a little bit of the salty flava with my aligator shaker. Sweet cheesus, I am addicted to Provalone. Taht's right, cheddar is pretty darn good. Munster makes me moan. Lub dub, lub dub. Can't top that, friends.

I feel like lamination. It is my own creation. So good.

You don't say. Well, thanks for all the good times.

Loken is smokin'. T3

Kevin's alter-ego.

WANNABE IB

by the Spice Girls

I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want.

So tell me what you want, what you really really want.

I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want.

So tell me what you want, what you really really want.

I wanna, I wanna, I wanna

What I really really really want is to get an A.

If you want my test scores,

Prepare to gasp.

If you want the brain in me,

Just pay me fast.

Now don't go wasting

My precious time

Get your act together

We could be just fine.

I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want.

So tell me what you want, what you really really want.

I wanna, I wanna, I wanna

What I really really really want is to get an A.

If you wannabe my school,

You gotta have IB.

I want the Diploma,

Scholarships are free.

If you wannabe my college,

You have got to give.

Taking tests ain't easy and

That's the way it is.

Whaddaya think about that,

Now you know how I feel

Think you can handle my brain,

Are you for real?

I won't be hasty,

I'll do the SAT

If I kind of flunk it

I'll leave ASAP.

I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want.

So tell me what you want, what you really really want.

I wanna, I wanna, I wanna

What I really really really want is to get an A.

If you wannabe my school,

You gotta have IB.

I want the Diploma,

Scholarships are free.

If you wannabe my college,

You have got to give.

Taking tests ain't easy and

That's the way it is.

So here's the story from A to Z

You wanna sponsor me, you gotta listen carefully

You got Em in the place who likes it in her face

You got G like MC who likes it

Easy V doesn't come for free she's real brainy

And as for me, ah you'll see

Somebody flunks everybody flunks

Somebody flunks everybody flunks

If you wannabe my school,

You gotta have IB.

I want the Diploma,

Scholarships are free.

If you wannabe my college,

You have got to give.

Taking tests ain't easy and

That's the way it is.

Ahhh!!!

Hah...but now we have it...and sooooooooooooooo good. Diploma Awarded!

Your results will be published on 06-Jul-2003 at 13:00:00 GMT. Please try again then.

The time is currently 05:00:06 GMT on 06-Jul-2003.
For more information about the IBO, visit http://www.ibo.org

The wait is...well...weighty.

KUALA LUMPUR, Aug 27: Kolej MARA Banting, Selangor, students scored a first when they obtained the best results worldwide in the International Baccalaureate (IB) examination for the second year running. The 127 students who took the examinations in May scored an average of 39 points out of a maximum of 45 points.

Please, tell all units to keep an eye out for one "Derek Guenther", now that the bait is here.

Take "mike" out for a spin.

Mike (middle) wishes he never joined the club for "guys with hair".

I am what you always thought I would be.

I'm not all that intelligent.

We all know that David can't resist...but for everyone else...careful careful...

Be careful with those fireworks guys...no one wants to lose a finger.

Do what they say if you're a true patriot.

Mike and the fam wish you a happy 4th in 10 years.

Word up, B Hseih.

< click >

Kirk in 50 years: the beach bum we all know skipping happily to the beat of the seagull's engaging rhythm.

Well then, I like you.

Mama Hsieh and her two boys rejoice in the ashes of Communist China, recently destroyed by an accidental atomic bomb. Viva capitalism!

The new "Cave man" Flanagan action figure, complete with a miniature Lindemuth doll for mini-arse kickin'.

Stop, and let's talk this over, Flan.

Hsieh gets the break dancin' bug. Boom boom dolla!

When Adams showed what he had accomplished on his way to manhood, no one could do anything but stare, point and laugh, and then feel bad about their own manhood.

When his kick connected with the sensei's forehead, bringing her crashing to the ground, Adams knew he had become a young man. If only he could surpass the fear of getting his butt kicked by his fellow peers (who are also female), then perhaps he will one day become a man.